I can only imagine....

We moved my mother into a new living facility that actually has a memory care unit. The one we had her at previously said they were, but in reality, were not set up that way. So after giving them over a year to "get things right"; like helping my mother brush her teeth, keeping her clean (she kept getting wounds on her body that became infected) and changed on a frequent basis, they still had troubles. Most of the problem was under staffing, untrained nurses aids and big time turnover. A person with Alzheimer's needs individuals trained on how to care for them and deal with the outbursts of anger, without lashing back to the person. The old facility would have one girl care for 25 memory affected individuals at one time. Then if the under staffing wasn't a problem, having a new face to connect to every week was just as frustrating for my mom. Equally frustrating was knowing my father paid over $6,000 a month for their "lack" of care.

So, my father, sister and I made a decision to move her into this new facility. I hope my mother never has to go through another move again. It took us 8 hours to complete the move; unpacking, loading the truck, paperwork, med change, unload and finally unpacking. We took great detail trying to get everything back as close to her room at the other facility, so it would seem familiar to her (pictures on the wall just the same, photos placed in their correct places..etc.). Well, within those 8 hours I could begin to get a better grasp of how she interprets life now. I have gained a great respect for my mother's strength as she faces life crippled by this disease.

I know it was hardest on her, but I came home so defeated. A few times she did not know us as her husband or daughters. She thought at times we were taking her things away from her. She asked me why I would want to take things that were not my own. The toughest part was when we told her to come see her new room, she looked at my sister and I and said, "Why are you trying to get rid of me? I thought you were my buddies, why are you throwing me out to no longer live with you?" As she was saying this, tears were running down her cheeks. I immediately started to cry, as I always do when I see anyone cry, in person or on TV, or in a movie. I tried to explain that it was because we loved her that we were taking her here, to get the best care possible for her. She said, "it is easy for you, you go home and I am left here alone with no-one."

That I hope, will be the hardest time I will face. Actually, I know the times will get worse. My heart aches for my mother. I can't understand why something like this would happen to her. She was so giving to anyone she'd meet. She volunteered at the local hospital, service league, home for mentally challenged individuals to name a few. I know there is a reason, I just can't seem to find it's meaning or purpose in the scheme of things quite yet.

I just know that in honor and love for my mother I have tried to follow her footsteps. I want her to know that her life mattered, she has and continues to touch so many people. There is something I will learn from this part of her life too, something truly meaningful I am sure.

I will be patient......I realize that I am fortunate that I still have her in my life at all! I'll not stay defeated!